Saturday, February 4, 2012

My Nightmares

Ever since I was a child, I have had nightmares, not night terror, but nightmares. My nightmares scared me so much, I started sleeping with a bible like one sleeps with a teddy bear. I guess it gave me a sense of security, but I did continue to have them regardless. 

Of course, I can't recall many of my nightmares I had when I was younger, but a couple did stick with me. Many of my nightmares had a reoccurring theme. I would be walking up some stairs that had a door at the end. The closer I got to the door, the more frightened I became. I never opened the door because I was afraid of what was behind it. Plus, I would usually wake up from the dream in complete panic and terrified. 

This next nightmare from when I was a teenager always stuck with me. I don't know why. I see it as if I had it just the other day. Anyway, I am standing in my bedroom and I see and old lady standing by the doorway holding a tray of tea light candles floating in water. Every candle was lit. I asked her what she was doing and what was the tray of candles for. She told me she was waiting for me and handed me the tray of candles. She told me the candles would let me know if something evil was near by when they all blew out at the same time. Sure enough, shortly after being given the tray, a light breeze came from behind me and the candles blew out. The old lady told me to run, run as fast as I can. I ran out of my bedroom into the family room. I could feel something evil was chasing me. I ran towards the stairs to go upstairs. As I leaped for the stair, I felt something grab my foot and began pulling me down. I fought and fought to only wake up in panic and fear yet again.

Thankfully, as an adult, nightmares have decreased by more than half. I could go months by without having a nightmare. Sadly, when I do have nightmares, they come in waves. Meaning, I will have one or two a week for several weeks and then nothing again. I don't know if it is stress that causes these flares up or what. Much of what you dream about is associated with what you had watched, done, saw, etc throughout your day. I can honestly say that the nightmare that woke me up last night had nothing to do with anything the day before.

Before this current nightmare I had, I do recall a dream that set the stage of fear in me for the nightmare to come into play. It's really a dream within a dream. If you know what I mean. My dreams are vivid. It plays in my head as if it were a movie. But like a dream, it's glitchy. I can go from one place to another without thinking of how I got there.

I was in a city alley back behind a church. I had keys to it. They were given to me by the pastor for some odd reason. I wasn't suppose to have them but I did. I am now inside, I am watching the pastor talk about wedding details to the brides family. The brides father is upset about not being able to have a room in the church for the bride's grandparents to sleep in. The pastor says, he just can't do that. They wouldn't last a night. After he said that he leaned forward towards me and he said, "I should know, it happened to me." (Insert fear of the unknown.) Next, I find myself in a 3 story triplex by the church. I am fumbling with keys trying to lock the door. I am walking down the flight of stairs and I see 2 ladies, a mother and a daughter. I can feel them wondering what I am doing in the building, but they see I have keys and able to lock and unlock doors. I am down in the triplex foyer now. I open the door, I feel like something isn't right, someone is watching me. Once again, I am fumbling with they keys to try to lock the front door. They keys bend and I can't get them to lock the door. I am walking towards the church again, I see piles of bodies wrapped in white body bags. I hear a lady saying you are not suppose to be here, but she sees that I have keys to the church. I hear her say to someone, "She is just a child, how does she have keys?" Again, the feeling of someone watching me, fear begins to set in. Then, income nightmare...

Lying in bed, starting to drift off, I get this eerie feeling that something is watching me from the foot of the bed. I try to ignore it by covering my head up with the blanket. Knowing that that wasn't working, somehow or another, I find myself clutching the bible. The same exact bible I use to fall asleep with when I was younger. I clutched it with all my might and began praying to God to keep me safe from whatever is lurking in the shadows. With my head still underneath the covers, I realize my younger sister is in the bed with me. I try to wake her up by shoving her and whispering her name. When that didn't work, I began pinching her and calling out her name. Finally, I was able to slightly awaken her. I told her to turn on her light on the nightstand. I felt her sit up, but her light never came on. With the overwhelming of fear still lurking in the shadows at the foot of my bed, I took a deep breath, removed my head from underneath the covers and sat up in bed to turn on my lamp on my nightstand. As I reached for the lamp, I felt arms wrapping around me. I thought at first it was my sister, but I knew she was no longer beside me and was definitely not her arms around me. Trying to fight through the fear, I continued trying to turn the lamp on. It wouldn't. Before this fear could completely engulf me, I wake up and actually turn on my nightstand lamp. Still shaken with fear, I grabbed my laptop and decided to write it all down. So here we are now.

I hate nightmares. I hate the feeling of fear I have after waking up from them. I recall one time I had a nightmare, I couldn't wake up no matter what I did. By the time I was able to wake myself up from the nightmare, I was in tears. That was within the past year. Is this common? To have nightmares like this as an adult? If anyone decides to read this, please let me know in the comments below about your nightmares and how often they happen to you.